The Danger of Secrets
by aslycsi1315
Summary: JJ and Hotch struggle to cope with two life changing consequences from helping Prentiss fake her death.


**A/N: This was written for the Mix & Match Challenge, using JJ/Hotch as the pairing and pina colada, beach, and Kenney Chesney as the prompts.**

**A/N 2: Assume that Prentiss never left the team and Alex doesn't exist.**

"**All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets."- Cory Doctorow**

**September 29, 2012**

It had been a year.

SSA Jennifer Jareau stood on Harper Beach in Galveston, Texas. It was a cool September day, leaving the beaches of Texas empty. The skies were gray and the breeze was cold, bringing a gloomy mood to the city's residents. On an isolated part of the beach, JJ stood alone as she watched calm waves come and go from the sea. The agent was taking a moment to reflect on the choices she had made within the past eighteen months.

Last May, JJ and SSA Aaron Hotchner had made the decision to lie about SSA Emily Prentiss' death to the rest of the team, compromising of SSA David Rossi, SSA Spencer Reid, SSA Derek Morgan, and TA Penelope Garcia. Prentiss had been forced to run for her life after an attack from an old enemy, Ian Doyle. Both JJ and Hotch spent seven months sitting on a lie that was hurting not only each team member, but themselves. Nightmares, stomach ulcers, and many nights of a glass of scotch before bed were only just a touch of what they had actually experienced. Even after Doyle was captured and Prentiss returned home, JJ and Hotch still struggled with breaking the trust of individuals that they would die for.

"Agent Jareau?"

JJ turned around to see a man in a Marine uniform standing at the gate of the beach. She had barely heard him under the blare of Kenney Chesney music coming from a Jeep that sat in the parking lot. It took her a minute to recognize the man in the uniform- he was Commander Holland Jensen, who had been involved in the case that had brought the team to Galveston.

A series of murders targeting Marines living in the area had prompted the local police nearly beg for assistance from the BAU. As a Marine, Commander Jensen had assisted the team into insights about a possible enemy. The case had run smoothly to JJ, except for one small thing- the Unit Chief's behavior. Hotch spent as little contact as possible with Jensen. As usual, no one questioned, but it stayed in everyone's mind. As Jensen approached her, the blonde agent made a note to herself to have a one-on-one with Hotch about it later.

"Can I help you, Commander?" JJ asked. The tall, physical fit Marine stopped a few feet away. He was holding onto a large manila envelope, which he extended out to JJ.

"There's something I needed to talk to you about. It's about Agent Hotchner and if you hadn't noticed, his behavior."

JJ narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the man. "So you know him personally?"

Jensen chuckled lightly. "Man you profilers are good. Yeah, I know Agent Hotchner and I think you deserve to know how. Please take the envelope."

JJ paused before quickly taking the envelope and peering inside. "There's a CIA folder in here- why are you giving this to me?"

"Because based on the look in his eyes, I don't think he's dealt with what happened last summer," Jensen replied. JJ's eyes widened and she quickly pulled out the file, letting the envelope drop to the ground and float with the wind towards the shore.

"Something happened last summer? When- wait, was this in Pakistan?" JJ exclaimed. Her mind was racing out of control. _There's no way that something dangerous happened. I would have known about it! _

"Look, I don't want to overstep my boundaries," Jensen stated, " it's just….something did happen in Pakistan, Agent Jareau, and I've moved on from it, one of the colleagues that were killed by that sick killer had moved on from it, but I don't think Agent Hotchner has and I think it's time. Just read the file and talk to him."

JJ glanced down to the file while opening the first page. A hand quickly flew to her mouth as she let out a large gasp.

"How could have this happened?"

No answer.

JJ looked up, expecting answers, but only found that she was alone again and Commander Jensen was gone.

**Kate's Drinks- 3 miles from Harper Beach- 1 hour later**

"JJ?"

JJ looked up from her spot in a booth at the small bar. Two other people were also in the bar, not including the bar tender, Kate, and JJ's visitor, Hotch. The Unit Chief glanced down to the CIA folder that was open in front of JJ .

"Sorry, I'm late- the Police Chief and I were getting the hotel rooms set up for everyone. You said that you wanted to meet me…where did you get the file?" he asked.

"Sit," was the only thing JJ could muster up and say. Hotch slid into the seat across from her, keeping his eyes locked on the file. JJ flipped through two pages and pulled out a Polaroid. The picture was of the remains of a helicopter scattered throughout a stretch of desert.

"We made a deal," JJ whispered. "We- you and I made a deal, Aaron!"

"JJ-"

JJ nodded her head in disbelief and sat back in her chair. "You agreed to this. If anything happened while Emily was away, we agreed that we would tell each other everything- be each other's sounding board! I mean, till this day, Will doesn't know that I had a miscarriage."

The Unit Chief winced at the word _miscarriage._ He remembered everything clearly from a year ago- JJ had called him in the middle of night and asked for a ride to the hospital. At the emergency room, it had been concluded that JJ had miscarried after six weeks of pregnancy. Doctors had no explanation for it, but JJ felt that it was because of the lying being done to protect Prentiss.

"You're supposed to be my ally- my best friend," JJ said, "You've been hiding something big like this from me, which isn't fair to me. You do trust me right?"

Hotch looked down to the table. With his voice wavering, he mumbled, "Jennifer…."

JJ grumbled under her breath, "Fine." She turned back to the first page of the report. "July 27, 2011- Chaman, Pakistan. SEAL team 11 members- Commander Holland Jensen, Lieutenant John Griffen and Chief Petty Officer Nick Lawson were sent in to rescue survivors of a helicopter crash. The helicopter had left two days prior and was to bring aid to soldiers and civilians being attacked by Taliban insurgents. It traveled fifteen miles before it was shot down by the insurgents. Fifteen were on board, five survived, three were taken captive, and two escaped and were found near an unnamed beach on the coast of Pakistan. Everyone who was involved in this has their name recorded except for an unnamed US military personal that was rescued from that beach."

JJ took a breath before taking a moment to observe Hotch. Never in the seven years that she knew him had she ever seen the man tense up like he was now. To the younger agent, it was as if Hotch was trying to block out everything she was saying.

"Aaron," she called out. Hotch didn't move or even blink, saying, "Don't. Don't say it."

"It was you."

Hotch cringed and closed his eyes. His secret was finally out in the open.

He wasn't sure if he felt relief or disgrace at JJ's discovery. It was one of the parts of his life that he never shared with anyone, regardless of how dark it was. Till this day, no one knew what had happened between Foyet and him on the day of his stabbing. Hotch had hoped the same would apply to the incident in Pakistan- with all the focus on Prentiss after her return, his trip to Pakistan had become nothing but a memory to his teammates.

"Jennifer, I couldn't…" Hotch stammered, "I couldn't tell you because…how the hell am I supposed to say that I almost died alone in Pakistan? How am I supposed to tell you how it feels to be on a helicopter and then to suddenly have it-"Hotch choked on his words. JJ reached over the table and held his hands.

"I don't remember most of it, but I remember enough," Hotch said, his voice cracking. A tear ran down his cheek and he wiped it away. "I was helping with border control as I had told you and then one day, a village needed guns, first aid, and food. The military needed all hands on deck and it was supposed to be an easy, short trip."

JJ squeezed Hotch's hands in support. She ignored the tears free falling down her cheeks and the look of concern coming from Kate, the bartender, from across the room.

"A short, easy trip," Hotch repeated in a whisper. "I remember the helicopter flying so smoothly over the desert and all of a sudden…..boom."

"The helicopter was hit."

"It spun around like a top the moment we were hit and I-"Hotch started to silently weep. JJ slid out of her side of the booth and sat down next to Hotch. She placed her head on his shoulder and whispered, "It's ok."

Hotch swallowed and wiped his face. "The last thing I remember is being told to jump before it was too late. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital with a broken leg. They kept me overseas after I was released from the hospital because I could still help. When the scars and my leg healed six weeks later, Morgan called about Doyle."

"I guess that was our punishment for lying," JJ said sadly. She quieted when the bar tender, Kate, walked over with two pina coladas. She placed both drinks on the table and gave both agents a warm smile.

"You two look like hell so it's on the house. And before you ask, a bunch of Marines, cops, and college students cleaned me out of scotch. A pina colada is festive and fun, which by the looks of it, you two need."

"Thank you," Hotch replied graciously. He then focused back on JJ. "I've been seeing someone about this. I know it isn't you, but I didn't want you to go down that road with me."

"Well, I would have gone whether you would have asked me or not." JJ reached over the table and closed the file. "I have to thank Jensen before we leave in the morning."

"Me too."

JJ took a sip of the pina colada and made a face at the sourness. Oddly enough, it got Hotch to laugh.

"Oh God, what did this woman put in it?" JJ gasped.

Hotch pushed his drink away. "I think I'll pass on mine."

JJ pushed her drink away and leaned against the back of the booth. Her smile slowly disappeared when a thought passed her mind.

"Hotch, secrets are a bitch to keep and we both know that, but are we going to tell the team? It would kill Emily if she found out."

Hotch inhaled slowly before replying, "Good question. In time, we'll see."

"**Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret."-Jean de La Fontaine**

**The End**


End file.
